Back to School Night: Dispatches from the Front Lines

--A substantial percentage of her AP classes apparently were never given the summer assignment. They all have the same terrified look on their faces when they find out about it.

--Every time there was a kid with snakebites or gauges, they were never in one of my classes. Maybe there will be though. Maybe the kids with gauges in my classes were just too badass to bother showing up to back to school night.

--A large ginger bearded fellow, with a brood of ginger children, ambled in. When I extended my hand, he seemed to ignore it at first. Then, with apparent disdain, he took it. Our conversation was lulzworthy on many points, so I will give only a few choice quotes

Man with Undiagnosed Asperger's: So you're being trained to take the most dynamic, interesting topic and suck all of the life out of it?

William Dhalgren: Absolutely, I look forward to it!

MUA: You're not even going to try to make it interesting?

WD: Once you're a member of the teacher's union, you sign a contract promising to make all of your classes as boring as possible.

MUA: [lost interest when I wasn't put off or offended]

MUA: Are you going to teach how our government was founded on free market principles, but over the past half of a year has been creeping toward socialism?

And so on.

--One mildly emo, extremely perky junior promised to come visit our class every day. Our exchange went something like this:

Perky Emo: You're with Mrs. Blank? That means we're going to be best friends!

WD: Yeah, I look forward to it.

PE: Seriously, it'll start with high-fives, but at the end of the year it'll be hugs.

WD: I really doubt that.

PE: It'll happen. You just wait.

WD: I don't like to be touched.

PE: I'll make it happen.

WD: I've gone from joking-uncomfortable to real-uncomfortable.

PE: We've just started.

Then we spent the next 10 minutes talking about our cats.

That's all for back to school night!